MC: ANXIETY ATTACKS
• Bursitis in the right shoulder
• Infection in the gums
• Pain along the shin
Pierre: What brings you here?
“I have very bad anxiety attacks. I’ve always had anxieties but now they’ve gone through the roof. Since our tragedy I have had to restart the business by myself but I am still in disbelief. It is still a little bit like a dream. We have enormous financial problems and I despair about them. I also have physical problems, which I think are somehow related to this whole situation. I have developed bursitis in the right shoulder, and an infection in the gums. I can’t really relax and concentrate because I am very worried. I think I have a lot of anger and I can’t get it out or it comes out in strange ways. I am angry with my husband, emotionally I don’t trust him, I think he is reckless and I feel kind of bullied by him. I am struggling because I can’t be me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I have a contradiction: I am easily bullied, and yet I have a strong intuition. I feel like I am in a complete state of imbalance, anxiety and fear. I can’t keep any equilibrium; anything can diminish my self-esteem. I feel all out of whack, I have a very heavy heart and I don’t feel in harmony with anybody.”
Please tell me about being “all out of whack,” or not keeping “any equilibrium.”
“I have pain up my shin from my ankle to the knee. It is like a hairline up my shin that is quivering. It is not a strong line, it is as thin as a hair yet there is some strength there but it is not consistent.”
Could you tell me more about not feeling balanced, please?
“I am an artist; much of my work is about centeredness and non-centeredness. The more you try to go to the center, the more off-centered it becomes. I work with mirrors and glass. It’s like seeing yourself and not really seeing you. I work with mirrors, but I diffuse the mirror with netting, so you can’t see yourself completely or clearly. Seeing or not seeing clearly is the main idea. It is a fine line, being fragile in parts has been important. I used to listen to Miles Davis to understand that frame of mind. I feel blocked and my own mind is holding me back.”
Could you describe feeling blocked, please?
“I have had many tragedies in my life. One of my comforts is anger but then I feel guilty from being angry. I can’t really see, or be, I can’t open up, and I lose the connection with me, that’s if I ever really had it. I am not able to breathe. It’s like a simmering pot inside, like I am inside a cardboard or an armor. It’s kind of safe, it’s like a black shield. Like a cocoon, not uncomfortable, just limiting or isolating, I am a people person, I like to connect, but people don’t connect with me and that causes me great pain and anxiety.”
Describe the feeling of being in a cocoon a little more please.
“There is no happiness or sadness, it just is. There are no emotions attached to it, it is kind of the way I feel about life. It is a little nervous in that cocoon. At the time of our tragedy my mind said, “That’s that.” I was in that cocoon. That has really perplexed me. I had that armor around me, I put a coat over my head until we got back to NY. I could not see or hear anybody. I was in a cocoon. Being in there is like staring without seeing; I can stare for a long time. You lose a certain connection. It is like there is a little bit of a hum, it does not change in frequency or volume, it is a little bit like being dead. It is not unpleasant, it just is. Then I grew concerned about my husband and I had to face everything.”
Describe the feeling of losing a certain connection.
“When it comes down to it, I am not sure who I really am. Losing connection is losing connection to my own construct, I am fragile. I am impulsive and from intuition I feel good, but if I have even one question then I become doubtful. For example, a doctor gave me your number. I instinctively called you, but had my husband questioned me before, I would easily have doubted myself. I am not vocal, I hold on to my ideas instead of expressing them. I try not to make waves. When someone calls me then I get very insecure. My job growing up was to take care of everybody. In the cocoon there is groundedness. Some mornings I wake up and I feel grounded, solid and not fragile. Other mornings I am completely fragile. It can go either way but I’ve always had the thing about breathing. In yoga class I get all anxious and I can’t breathe.”
Tell me more about losing connection, please.
“It is a matter of integrity and existing in a full life with laughter, joy and sadness. When I put the coat over my head, it was the last time I could be. It was a way of keeping grounded. I just was.”
Pierre: Do you have a fear of downward motion?
“How do you know? Yes I do.
Pierre: Because I think I know the remedy you need and the remedy you need is well known in homeopathy to have that fear of downward motion. It is a way of confirming the remedy.
FOLLOW UP: (One month)
Pierre: How have you been?
“The anxieties have been radically altered, I have much more equilibrium. The anxieties are gone but I am not very focused. It is still difficult to process everything but I am getting there.”
Give me a sense of the process since you took the remedy, please.
“The first two weeks after the remedy I felt OK, just being, existing, that felt very good and it still feels that way. I would like to feel like I have a handle on things rather than just being but I feel something changed in my inner core. I am feeling far more relaxed. With harmony and flow it is all much better. Even our daughter seems to be better now. I feel more connected to myself. I am discovering who I am again, I am seeing things more clearly and I am feeling more personally powerful. The gum infection is also better and so is the bursitis in the right shoulder. The shin pain is totally gone. All the pains I had are much better but I still don’t feel very grounded in my body. It is better but not completely better.”
Clearly this is good, can you tell me more?
“I think I have become less impulsive. The anger I had has changed too, now I am like “whatever…” whereas it used to be a simmering pot. The feeling of being in a cocoon is much better. All the powerlessness is gone.”
MORE FOLLOW UPS: (One year)
“I feel well. Anxieties have not been much of a problem at all.
Mollie has a voice like the singer Mary Gray, which sounds slightly like inhaling helium.
Words like “anger” or “can’t concentrate” are very broad and convey very little to me. We need to go far deeper in order to perceive the true individual qualities of the disorder. Read on.
I ask about feeling “all out of whack” and she answers “I have pain in my shin.” The answer to this question is rather off subject. It is very common for people to not answer the questions I ask. In fact, that it is the main reason for spending as much time in consultation as we do. Each of the case presented here are edited down to the most essential for that very same reason.
When she says “It is a fine line,” it reminded me of the hairline pain on the shin. Most of the time this kind of serendipity gets lost in the translation between the physical and emotional, my job is to be alert to these un-seeming connections to find them and unwind them down to the root.
In the last answer from a homeopathic point of view she gives a lot of useful information. To keep the flow, I just pick up on the last thing she said.
The cocoon is becoming a major theme. The translation of the theme of seeing and not seeing in her art is indeed a reflection of her deeper feeling. In her case it is similar to being in a cocoon, which is a fine line between being and not being or staring and not seeing. The expression of the Vital Force (VF) is all encompassing as in a whole interconnected web. Everything makes sense nothing is lost in translation.
It is common to force behavior prematurely onto kids as it is the case here. She had to take care of everybody. Invariably that leads to emotional problems later on in life as if that part of life had not been lived. In this case, she assumed the responsibility of taking care of things but it was not emotionally dealt with which forces her to compensate for it. The compensation was to go into a cocoon.
Here is the cocoon again. It is really throughout. It is not a cliché in this case.
And again we have the cocoon.
The way she explained the cocoon was, of course, perfect. I say “of course” because as I mentioned before people always say things right. That leads me to a particular point. It is very common for people to be concerned about what they say. There is no right or wrong during a homeopathic consultation. The questions are meant to express feeling spontaneously and creatively.
This remedy relates to the stage of developing in utero at the stage in getting engaged. It is one of the stages of being in the “cocoon.” She describes it so perfectly well. The fear of downward motion stems from the feeling of not wanting to “come down” from the comfort of the cocoon.
After the remedy she felt she was “existing.” She has come out of the cocoon. Existing, is being on her own. She says she would like to have “a handle on things.” She still wants to hold on but clearly the feeling is nowhere near as strong as it used to be.
“Even our daughter seems better now.” The feeling that other people in our surrounding are better after taking a remedy for oneself is common. As our inner Being is tuned up to a healthier state from the lifting of the disorder so does our perception of the world and, reciprocally, the perception of the world toward us. This is similar to Hillary’s case (see Hillary case) of post partum depression and the improvement in her relationship with her mother-in-law.
Throughout this case there wasn’t much to say. I think her proximity to her art helped her speak about her inner feelings very easily and freely. It was great.
She continues to be well with repetition of the remedy from time to time.